AUGUST 16, 1996 GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE 21

BOOKS

A House member's coming out, as told from the inside

by Bob Roehr

Coming out is the quintessential gay story. Perhaps none has had a longer run in the press than Steve Gunderson, the Republican representative from Wisconsin.

We have been titillated and outraged with

tabloid esca-

pades of outings from the left and homophobic rantings from the right. Now Gunderson and architect Rob Morris, his life partner of 13 years, take their turn in their new book House and Home.

Most coming-out tales focus on the sexual and psychological self-discovery of a young man. Gunderson and Morris offer a different, perhaps older take on the process. Theirs is more a story of building their relationship and an extended family, and of accepting responsibility as a member of the gay com-

Sut

munity in the halls of Congress. Their graceful prose on matters great and small moves you with its revealing candor and honesty.

Rob's office is tucked into the side of an aging strip mall in a Virginia suburb across the Potomac from Washington. We are sitting in the conference room around a drop-leaf table, comfortably worn, warped and creaking with character. A sideboard holds shards of polished granite flooring and sample faucets, floor plans and photos of solid homes which echo the past while embracing the future.

It is a week after the bloody debate and vote on the Defense of Marriage Act in the House. Gunderson is still shaken by the virulence of that homophobia outburst. He says it is the first time he has felt “alienated from the institution" of Congress.

He had gone to House Speaker Newt Gingrich to propose adding to the bill certain domestic partnership protections for samesex couples. Gingrich supported the concept but other conservatives vetoed it. In floor debate Gundersofrasked, "Why should members of Congress be allowed to extend their health insurance and survivors' benefits to their second and third wives-when I can't extend it to my partner of 13 years?" The gasps were audible as it seemed to click in the minds of the representatives, but that did not translate to votes.

Morris, 36, is the exuberant one, diving right into conversation. A Georgia drawl still charms from his lips, his dark brown eyes flash. He seems the natural politician of the two and when I say so, Gunderson breaks into a full-faced impish grin and silently, vigorously nods his head up and down, while Rob protests in vain.

Gunderson is 45 and even with hair turned silver, still has a fresh faced best-little-boyin-Sunday-school look about him. A warm,

soothing voice has helped him build a reputation in Congress as a conciliator who can bring people together to make deals happen.

Their early years together were stormy ones marked by brief separations.

Gunderson's strong Lutheran upbringing and stoic bearing made it difficult for him to accept being gay or to talk about it. Morris needed more communication and reinforcement to make him feel secure in the relationship. Their love and trust were strong and, despite the blow-ups, they slowly worked out those issue.

One of the most poignant episodes occurred in 1991 when an Associated Press reporter asked Gunderson if he was gay. "I'm married to my job," he replied, denying his then eight-year relationship with Morris. It was like Judas denying Jesus. It cut Gunderson to his moral core and he would write that it was not fair to Morris. "It would take a few more years for me to realize that I couldn't... separate myself as an individual with personal needs and desires, from the professional public servant."

It was an anguish, a faltering of courage that surely we all know from time to time. Gunderson lays it out in his own reserved, forthright manner, not pulling any punches. It is one of the many ways we come to understand the humanity of the man.

"For me the 80s was like a big debutante party," says Morris. “Our lives changed when we realized people were getting sick. First we realized we had been remarkably lucky and naïve. Second we realized that the fun times were over and the serious times were ahead." His anti-political attitude receded and he began to urge Gunderson to take a more active role on AIDS and gay issues in Congress.

Pressure also came from activist Michael

Petrelis in a series of “outing" activities. The book recounts those in detail, but in a curious anomaly it substitutes pseudonyms for the names of the activists. "I think what he did was relevant but I don't think that who he was is relevant," says Gunderson in defending this change. "It is clear that Petrelis saw us as the vehicle for his own publicity ...his tactics were egomaniacal and driven by a star mentality that is counterproductive."

Gunderson is more forgiving of the homophobic rantings of Bob Dornan (RCalif.) on the floor of the House because, "fortunately or unfortunately, Dornan is not into this fight for publicity."

Morris has mixed feelings about their book. He dates it to 1993 when they started burying friends. "Time has a way of softening things and this was such a bitter pill that frankly, I just wanted to be bitter, so I started writing some stuff." He is not pleased that some of the "family" material was cut and more of the "then Newt said to me" type material was added at the insistence of the publisher. But both of them eagerly look forward to bringing their stories home to middle America.

"I think the most important thing that Rob and I have done is break the stereotypes within the Republican Party," says the representative. "To challenge Jerry Falwell's definition of what it means to be gay and lesbian is probably the most important thing that we could do. That's why we wrote the book."

Gunderson has said he is not running for reelection but has left the door open ever so slightly to a possible write-in effort in the September Republican primary. [He recently withdrew from that, after word reached him of a planned anti-gay smear campaign.]

Morris "would rather spend time in the yard planting tomatoes."

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